Tag Archives: work

China adventures, part 1

In case you’ve not yet heard, ten days from now I will be moving to China. I’ll be living in a city called Zhangjiakou about 40 minutes outside of Beijing by train. There are as many people in my new city as in the entirety of Louisiana, though they consider it rural. I will be working at a local school and teaching English. I’ve been slowly learning Mandarin in preparation for this new adventure, which is no easy task.

Many of my friends and family have inquired how I will be chronicling my adventures abroad. I may not be able to access my facebook account, so the best way to contact me will likely be through WeChat @haleydhiggins. I’ve decided to dust off this old blog and breathe some life into it again. I’ll try to post pictures and updates regularly, though I make no promises.

As I move into this exciting new chapter of my life, it is with so many mixed emotions. Feelings of happiness, grief, fascination, bewilderment, astonishment, excitement, elation, love, joy. I hope you’ll come along for this wild and crazy the ride.

再见 (zài jiàn)

See you again soon.

XO, Haley

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It’s just paint on a wall…

I am in such a funk today. I’ve been in this weird, depressed mood for a few days now. I’m not completely unhappy, and I’m certainly not depressed, but I’m not quite sure what I am either. There are just things about where I am right now that I want so desperately to change, and I’m working to change them, but they aren’t changing at a pace that satisfies me. I’m trying to go about living the life I have at my current station and be appreciative and move forward with this life, while also striving to change my station. How does one go about reconciling this? I feel like if I keep committing ample time and energy to my current life, then I’m not putting enough effort into creating the life I want. But if I don’t work for the life I want, I’ll never get it.

That’s the struggle, the Sophie’s Choice if you will. I need to try to find a balance between to two, but I don’t know how. Parts of my current life make me so incredibly unhappy. The monotony, the unchanging, the drab. Realistically, it could be several months or longer before I find a job and move to New York, or it could be next week. You never know when things are going to happen; when opportunities are going to come along. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to make that move and looking for jobs and reconciling what I want and where I want to be, I’ve stopped thinking about where I am now.

I’ve stopped living the life I have now. I’m afraid to start living it again, though I feel like if I do, it might make me happier. But I think it might be somewhat of a bad omen of sorts as well. Like if I paint a wall, I’m making a commitment to where I am now. I’m trying not to make commitments to where I am now. I’m trying to move forward, and painting a wall isn’t really moving forward. But then again, it’s just paint on a wall. I want to paint the walls, but then am I telling the universe I’m okay with staying where I am? Because I’m not okay with that, not even a little bit.

I want to move and grow and experience new places and things in my life. I want to get out of this funk and move forward with my life, and just live my whole life fully. I’m just not quite sure how to do that. I don’t really feel like I’m a whole person right now, and that’s something I need to work on reconciling.

Haley

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