How many cupcakes is too many?

A few weeks ago, I was in a really dark place emotionally. I was having a hard time at work, feeling very complacent and as though I was perpetually stuck, never to move forward. I even tried to book a flight to Oakland to see my friend, Caroline, for the weekend, because she is a human ray of sunshine and can make any bad day better. I decided against that plan only because flights to Oakland leaving immediately would have cost around $2,000, and even in my emotionally distraught state, I couldn’t rationalize that. Instead, I went to Target and spent money on things I didn’t need, but it made me feel better at the time. The real low of the day was when I purchased the Carly Rae Jepsen CD. At that point, I knew I was nearing rock bottom. I took the CD home, along with the cupcakes and copious amounts of chocolate I had also purchased. I ate the cupcakes and marathoned sad romantic comedies, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to the CD. I knew the only thing to do would be to return it, so I did. I drove back to Target and returned that awful CD. I don’t know what I was thinking when I bought it, but people really shouldn’t be allowed to shop when depressed.

For those of you unaware, I am in pursuit of a career in publishing, though I currently work as an assistant. I have been actively looking by means of sending out résumés, applications, references, and letters of recommendation for a few months now with little to no result. I expected this, so I’m trying not to lose hope. When you submit an application to a large publishing house, you receive an email saying not to expect further response unless you’re on the short list for consideration. Considering how many people must apply for each position, I understand being unable to reach out to every applicant, though it is still a bit disheartening. I feel like I’m good enough, but how do I make them see that. How do I make them notice me above other applicants? How do I make my application stand out and demand attention?

I’ve probably applied to somewhere between twenty and thirty positions since I’ve started my search, without any real result. I’m looking to make a real move, a real change in my life. The jobs I’m applying to have all been in New York, with the exception of one in Boston and one in New Orleans. A week or so ago, I received an email from the Editor in Chief of the publishing house in New Orleans of which I recently applied. She was thanking me for my application and letting me know the position for which I was applying was unavailable. Though it was a rejection of sorts, it was a response, and I was happy to receive it. She was brief but kind and I responded thanking her for taking the time to let me know. That’s really all I want, even if they are rejections, to know.

But this is a waiting game, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’ll keep send out résumés and applications and keep hoping to stand out. Things have never been particularly easy for me, and I wouldn’t expect them to start now. Where would be the fun in that?

With love,


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Silly Putty Ear Plugs and whatnot…

I haven’t written in a while, and I’m starting to feel a little ache inside because of it. My parents left for Dubai last Wednesday and left me to watch my sisters. Usually it’s just me and my cat, and I’ve gotten quite comfortable with this arrangement. I’m the oldest of five children. My sisters are 18, 9, and 8, and relatively self-sufficient, especially Heather, the eldest of the three. The younger two are very busy with after-school and weekend activities. In the last several months, I’ve gotten very set in my routine of taking care of myself and my cat, and very rarely does this involve other people anymore.

My mother has raised five children. She has been raising children for the last twenty-three years. I don’t know how she does it. At present, I am single with no plans of attachment or future children. Right now, I can’t really see myself getting married. I’ve never been the biggest proponent for marriage nor do I put a lot of faith into marriage; that’s not to say all marriages fail, because that’s just not true, but it’s my experience, and research shows, that more marriages than not fail. As for children, I like them most of the time, as long as I can return them to their proper keepers. I’m actually pretty good with children and tend to get along well with them, depending on their age, though I’m not the most patient person, as my mother would be the first to point out.

Saturday morning, I was awoken by my youngest sister, Claire, at 6:30am moving around down the hall, opening and closing doors, trying, unsuccessfully, to be quiet. After several minutes of this, I called her into the room where I was sleeping to ask what she was doing. She came in crying. I then saw she had globs of something stuck in her hair on both sides of her ears. She told me through sobs she had been trying to make ear plugs out of silly putty, and in turn got the silly putty stuck in her hair. Instead of coming to me right away, she decided the best approach was to go get Ella’s school scissors out of her backpack and cut out the silly putty. I grew tired of the fidgeting and noise I had been hearing a tad too late, but in enough time that she only managed to cut a small portion of her hair. What is the fascination with children and cutting their hair? You couldn’t pay me enough to take scissors to my hair. Anyway, I got out of bed and tried to calm her down as I found the things I would need to remove the silly putty from her hair- rubbing alcohol, baby oil, and dawn. I put her in the tub and began stripping away the globs of putty. After about 30 minutes of fighting with the sticky substance and a comb, I was finally able to remove it all, as well as a few small chunks of hair. After a good wash and conditioning, it was almost as if nothing had happened. It’s really barely noticeable, and we went on with our day, but seriously, eight-year-olds should know better than to stick wetish, sticky things in their ears/ hair for fear of getting stuck.

silly putty ear plugs

On top of everything else, my body decided this was the week it wanted to get sick. Heather has also been sick this week. She had a stomach bug on Monday and Tuesday, and I’ve had a bad cold/ sinus infection that I can’t seem to shake since Monday night. It only seems to get worse as the days progress. Thankfully, the little girls haven’t gotten sick yet. Usually my whole family gets sick, and I’m the only one that doesn’t, but as I’m staying in the germ house, I’ve caught something. No doubt, the little girls are carrying something they’ve contracted from school and will, themselves, be sick soon.

I love my sisters, but I will be very happy to return them to my parents on Sunday. I’m very comfortable with my gushy twenty-something, single, do-as-I-please, carefree lifestyle. I am always happy to be with my sisters and spend time with them and to help my parents when I can, but it also reaffirms my decision not to have children. Soccer practices and birthday parties and silly putty ear plugs are just not my thing. I am, however, a big proponent for adoption. I don’t ever want to have children naturally. I don’t think I want to have children at all, but if I ever do decide I want a child, I want to adopt, probably an older child. The world is far too over-populated for people who don’t really want children to keep having children. Too many children grow up in foster care or group homes, bouncing around without families, never knowing love. That breaks my heart. No child should grow up like that. Every child should have a home with a family that loves and accepts them. As children get older, it’s harder to be adopted, because most people want babies, so the children not adopted as infants are often the ones that get lost in the system. Those are the ones that need saving the most. I think that’s what I’ll do…

With love,


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It’s just paint on a wall…

I am in such a funk today. I’ve been in this weird, depressed mood for a few days now. I’m not completely unhappy, and I’m certainly not depressed, but I’m not quite sure what I am either. There are just things about where I am right now that I want so desperately to change, and I’m working to change them, but they aren’t changing at a pace that satisfies me. I’m trying to go about living the life I have at my current station and be appreciative and move forward with this life, while also striving to change my station. How does one go about reconciling this? I feel like if I keep committing ample time and energy to my current life, then I’m not putting enough effort into creating the life I want. But if I don’t work for the life I want, I’ll never get it.

That’s the struggle, the Sophie’s Choice if you will. I need to try to find a balance between to two, but I don’t know how. Parts of my current life make me so incredibly unhappy. The monotony, the unchanging, the drab. Realistically, it could be several months or longer before I find a job and move to New York, or it could be next week. You never know when things are going to happen; when opportunities are going to come along. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to make that move and looking for jobs and reconciling what I want and where I want to be, I’ve stopped thinking about where I am now.

I’ve stopped living the life I have now. I’m afraid to start living it again, though I feel like if I do, it might make me happier. But I think it might be somewhat of a bad omen of sorts as well. Like if I paint a wall, I’m making a commitment to where I am now. I’m trying not to make commitments to where I am now. I’m trying to move forward, and painting a wall isn’t really moving forward. But then again, it’s just paint on a wall. I want to paint the walls, but then am I telling the universe I’m okay with staying where I am? Because I’m not okay with that, not even a little bit.

I want to move and grow and experience new places and things in my life. I want to get out of this funk and move forward with my life, and just live my whole life fully. I’m just not quite sure how to do that. I don’t really feel like I’m a whole person right now, and that’s something I need to work on reconciling.


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In what way do you want to be remembered?


I found this picture/ quote on Pinterest today, which had previously been pinned by a friend of mine. I think the message it’s conveying is very poignant. “Every person you meet, every single one, is looking for their story. There are no exceptions. You become part of it by how you treat them.” I think this is so important, because we encounter countless people on a day to day basis. We have the power to alter someone’s life, either with a kind word or gesture, or with a negative one. It’s all in the way we perceive a situation and the way we react to it. In what way does it hurt you to be kind to the cashier at the grocery store or stop and help someone less fortunate than you on the street? Those kind words might not mean much to you, but they might mean a lot to the other person. You might never know how your actions truly effect others, but think of all the people who have been influential, even minutely, in your life. When you’re having a bad day, the smallest thing can turn your day around, especially the kindness of strangers. Keep this in mind as you go on your way. Try not to hold grudges. That’s just space being unnecessarily occupied by people that don’t belong in your head or heart. Be resolved with the fact that they were once important and helped shape your story, but no longer have a voice in your life. Let it go. Forgive, and let it be.


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10 Things I Love That Always Make Me Happy

As a sort of post-intro introduction, I’ve decided to tell you all some of the things that I love that always make happy or put me in a really good mood, so that you can get to know me a little better.

1. Starbucks peppermint mochas, which can be purchased all year round guaranteeing maximum happiness whenever needed
2. Spending weekend afternoons alone at the movies
3. Barnes and Noble and Target- both stores make me equally happy for different reasons, but both are like giant black holes in which I get sucked in and spend hours without even noticing time has passed.
4. Mushroom pizza from Papa Murphy’s
5. The Perks of Being a Wallflower- both the book and the movie, but the movie more. If you haven’t read the book, and you haven’t seen the movie, I highly recommend you go out and do both immediately. You are seriously missing out. You can get the movie on Amazon at the following link, and Barnes and Noble does a pretty good job of keeping the book in stock.
6. Luna, my cat, except for when she wakes me up meowing at 5:30am, when my alarm isn’t set to go off for another half hour. Otherwise, she’s pretty adorable.
7. Cupcakes from Frosted!, especially the little Oreo ones
8. The Vampire Diaries, Pretty Little Liars, and Downton Abbey- you can catch up on the current seasons on their respective websites- The CW, ABCFamily, and PBS.
9. Teapots, teacups, and hot cups of tea with lemon- I honestly believe my soul is English. Maybe I was a Brit in a past life.
10. Bright, fresh flowers sitting on my table

“These are a few of my favorite things!” Anyway, I want to welcome all of my new readers and followers and thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I hope you enjoy what you’ve read and will keep reading. I’m really interested in what you think, so tell me… What are your favorite things? What makes you happy?


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Landing Somewhere Among the Stars

Hello, fellow bloggers and readers alike. I’ve decided to begin expressing my innermost thoughts and feelings, whatever they may be at any given moment, here on this outlet. I’ve been writing more and more lately, and it’s inspired me to try and be more open and expressive, rather than keeping everything bottled up. Writing is very gratifying, and I hope that others will find meaning in my words as well. I don’t have an agenda or anything I’m really looking to accomplish with this blog. I’m just looking to explore my feelings more deeply and trying to find some deeper meaning to life. I hope you all find whatever it is you are looking and striving for as well. Enjoy.


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